Saturday, March 31, 2012

Why Doctor?

Do you know why?

"Your interview will be at the end of March. So, please be prepare. You should know some current issues, diseases and...................." antara dengar dan tidak, aku hanya menconteng kertas.

"Interview lagi" keluhan dilepaskan, boring.

"You should know why you want to be a doctor" Zulllppzzz!! aku angkat kepala tepat memandang Cikgu Azran di hadapan. Errrr, kening terangkat.

"Why you want to be a doctor?" Sekali lagi pertanyaan itu menerpa.

"Doctor is not a choice, it is not something that if you cannot proceed with it, you have another options. No, you just want to be a doctor and you will only proceed with this path, but WHY? why you want to be a doctor?"

lolll mati!

Kemunculan soalan itu kembali membuatkan aku memikir. Memikirkan soalan yang aku tidak pernah tahu bagaimana jawapannya, soalan yang aku tak pernah tahu bagaimana untuk menjawabnya. Soalan yang selepas aku menjejaki bidangnya baru aku benar-benar fikir kenapa.

Memang dulu ketika ditanya, jawapan aku "because I want to be one. Helping people give me great satisfaction. Having to go home at the end of the day help me to live on." but i know deep inside that not the answer. Aku langsung tidak puas hati dengan jawapan tersebut, itu jawapan ketika di tadika dulu.

Dan aku juga tidak mahu menjawab dengan "because my ummi want me to be" as it doesn't sound like me.

I just want to be what I want to be. So why I want to be a doctor? If i want to help people why I end up with medical? why not becoming a nurse? or a counsellor? Save live? Then why not becoming a guard? policewoman? Because of this curiosity of mine, I end up asking people why they choose to be a doctor and do some surfing, but none of their answer satisfied me.

Once, my friend asked me, "rasa menyesal ke ambil bidang ni?" Aku angkat muka pandang pelik, "kenapa?"  "err xder pape" loll ceysshh buat orang curious je, dusshh!

I guess I know why she asked that It had been a couple of days, I asked myself why i want to be doctor? Kept asking her why, pushing her to give opinions.

Being a doctor is not an easy path. If I say that I want to help people, I am the real one that need help. How I am going to manage my time with family in that hectic life of mine? Yeah I know you will say that what doctor unique, put others first then yourself. Ya ya ya... agree with that but never strong enough to answer that question. Remember, doctor is not just a job but a lifestyle. Moreover, doctor cannot even makes a  mistake, how can that be? You play with life directly. Thats why medicine is one of the profession that is being sued the most. Every single mistake matters and can potentially destroy a doctor's career. well thats what I heard.. hehe. There is another one, being a doctor you cannot be lazy. Why? Because you work without time to rest. You cannot say to pregnant woman, "maaf ya, esok laa bersalin hari ni saya penat, nak tidur awal." More, 'on call' gonna be the best part. Recently, there are articles that being released saying that we have too many doctors being produced. Lots of doctors with very limited training places and shortage of specialists to supervise and train, what should I do? Give up with this path?

*** atas tuh adalah ditulis before interview ke Royal Collage of Medicine (RCMP) Perak.***

And now I am already here, being first year medical student. In fact, will go through my 1st year final examination next week. Welcome 1st year, ahlan wasahlan 2nd year, insyallah.

But still I don't know the reason why I am becoming a doctor. Yeah, I don't know why. *senyum* =)

Apa yang pasti,

I am already here, this is my path. He choose me to be here so there will be no reason for me to give up, right?

::this my path::

aku sekarang sedang tanya kamu? *sambil angkat kening = ).

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