Tertaip bawah sedar

setiap kali merinduimu, ku jatuh cinta lagi sekali

"Setiap kali kau rindu, jangan hanya tahu tangis,
dakap erat nama mereka dalam sujudmu, satu persatu,
dan Dialah yang menjadi penghubungnya."


-bukankah doa itu penghubung paling kuat?

ar-Rahman Allah

...isn't it? with Him...

"Hey, can i cry?"

Orang di sana dah tongkatkan dagu, "What now huh?"

Air mata dah luruh. "Nak stop mediclah"

"Loll" automatik gelak.

Finelah kan gelakkan orang, air mata disapu.

"Ok-ok sorry, story meh," kedudukan dibetulkan.

"Susah, penat, bagai nak mati, banyak gila kena cover, nak study lagi, nak pergi hospital lagi, macam loser habis," dah macam machine gun keluar.

Angkat kening, "Apa dah jadi dengan 'He will take care of me' tuh?"

"Eh... errr"

Senyum, "You are not thinking kan"

Dahi berkerut, "of what?" minda dah main tanya.

"You just like he-will-take-care-of-me but you are not thinking about His ar-Rahman. And correction bukan will, in fact, He is taking care of you right here, right now, masa tengah nangis ni."

"Vague?" sumpah tak faham nak sampaikan apa sebenarnya. "not thinking about ar-Rahman?"

"Ar-Rahman tuh adalah end of word, paling extreme, unlimited form of Mercy. Ar-Rahman tuh buat kau dan aku fikir, bagaimana Allah tunjukkan cinta dan kasihNya pada kita sekarang, bukan esok, bukan lain kali, melainkan saat ini, detik ini. He is taking care of us, loving us, protecting us, dedicate of our situation right now. Right now dear, right now.

Everyone has problems, global, facing with own difficulties, kira normallah kan, but what we do? we complaint, talk about our problem every time, seldom we think about ar-Rahman Allah. Allah, He can make things worse dear. Masa lahirkan baby, boleh jer Allah nak tarik nyawa baby tuh or his mom or both. Masa kita tengah gatal-gatal dengan allergic, tak pernah pula kita bersyukur masih ada hidung? Masa kita tengah struggle dengan study kita, tak pernah pula kita nak bersyukur masih ada akal dan kesihatan yang sihat?

you are just not thinking about ar-Rahman Allah kan, thats why you are bit depressed ni, isnt?"

Diam. True enough. I'm not thinking, I just think about how big my problem is, how deep my fear is. How can I simply forgot about ar-Rahman Allah, tak patut kan.

"Allah, He cares, He taking care of everyone of us, like that. and we don't have to wait for His care to come, it's already there, its already there" senyum.

Air mata luruh sekali lagi. Tapi sekarang hati dah bagai kena siram sekali, sejuk.



-now, lets just think about ar-Rahman Allah k and full stop!
-if it's difficult to figure next-next years out, just think about tomorrow and fight the best for it. He there, looking after and taking care of you, right here, right now.
-Oh Allah, i think i'm falling in love again and again with you. Alhamdulillah for giving me love.
-oh yes, penyataan tanpa usaha praktik itu hanya membuang masa, tau.




***

"kalau memang tak tahan sangat, just cry...nangis puas-puas then rise with new hope and passion. Dia kan ada nak tengok dikau menangis" -she-

"It's okay dear, I mean don't be too stressed out. I assume every one's doing practical feels the same, including me. Apa yg penting, try belajar lagi mana yg tak tahu tu. We learn from mistakes. Insyaa Allah, we gain success through experiences." -Ryn-

"ya, biasa..." -he

-normallah kan-